I often hear clients call themselves “lazy” when they struggle to finish a task. But procrastination is typically more about avoidance than laziness. We may be unconsciously avoiding uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.

For example, suppose your partner asks if you followed through on your commitment to file your taxes. You might say, “No, I didn’t. I’m sorry I’m such a lazy do-nothing!” The “I’m lazy” excuse shields us from exploring the underlying dynamics that resulted in not filing the taxes. Perhaps the idea of filing taxes was scary, daunting, and stressful. If we don’t acknowledge and validate those feelings, how can we learn from this experience? And if we don’t learn from the mistake, we’re likely to keep repeating the mistake.

So rather than label ourselves lazy, maybe we can adopt a caring tone and approach the situation with curiosity about what we’re avoiding. If you notice yourself avoiding a certain task, you might find it helpful to journal responses to the following questions:

1. What task am I avoiding/procrastinating?
2. What emotions do I have when I think about this task?
3. What are all the bad things that I’m afraid could happen if I attempt this task?
4. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
5. What are all the good things that could come from me attempting this task?
6. What’s the best case scenario?
7. On a scale of 0%-100%, how willing am I to do this task now?
8. If I’m not yet ready, can I be compassionate and gentle with myself and acknowledge my ambivalence instead of criticizing myself as “lazy”?
9. Can I share my fears and ambivalence with someone I trust? Who would that person be and how can I let them know what I need in terms of support and understanding?
10. Can I accept my limitations in this moment?

Change is a process. We can only do as much as we are ready and able to do in this moment. We can share our experience with others so that we do not have to have to go through this journey alone. Often, we are only ready to change after we have had an experience of being truly seen, understood, and accepted as we are. When you’re ready, you’ll know it. Until then, take off the “I’m lazy” armor and allow yourself to explore your ambivalence with someone you trust.